Wherever You will Go
by ninjatomomi
Summary: When his boyfriend suddenly dies, Alfred slowly falls into an unyielding pit of despair, believing he is at fault for the untimely death. As he mourns, he unexpectedly finds a small bird in need of help, a bird with violet eyes, the very same as Matthew's
1. The Burden I Live With

Wherever You Will Go

**So, this is my de-anon from the kink meme. I haven't updated it in a while but I have up to chapter 8 outlined and ready to be written out :D Anyway, please enjoy the first chapter. Oh yeah, petty fights spawn the deepest regret (at least in this case).**

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If there was one thing Alfred would want to take back in his life, it would be not telling his adorable Matthew "I love you" on that fateful night. If only he could reverse the stream of time and slap himself for not only being such a selfish jerk to his long time boyfriend but for also starting the argument that led to Matthew leaving him, for at the time was only a few minutes so that he could cool off. If only he could tell Matthew "I'm sorry" and have him hear it. If only, if only, if only. If only he could bring his Matthew back.

_One week earlier…_

"Alfred!" A soft spoken voice called out from the kitchen. "Could you help me get dinner together? Alfred? Where are you?"

A blonde, wavy haired head poked its way out of the doorway leading to the kitchen, and searched for what it was looking for. Finding the person, the blonde exited the kitchen and stood in front of the large screen television, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face.

"Alfred!" He barked, sounding nothing at all like the quiet voice before. "Stop watching TV and help me with dinner! You promised to help this time so get off your lazy ass and help me! You could at least set the table and make a salad"

Whether or not Alfred could hear the words being sent his way depended on how loud the TV was and how involved he was with the program. Unfortunately for Matthew, his boyfriend was too engrossed with what he was watching that what he was trying to say.

"Yeah, yeah ok. Mattie could you move a little? You're blocking the TV"

Matthew was absolutely livid after that comment. Screw his passive aggressiveness, he thought as he snatched the TV remote off the couch's arm and smashed the power button, the TV turning off with a loud "click".

"Hey! I was watching that!" Alfred yelled from his spot on the couch, successfully out of his television induced trance.

"Well now you aren't. You're going to help me make dinner just like you promised me yesterday."

"But Matthew! This is the final game! I need to know who wins! I've been following the team for the whole year! I've been waiting for this game since the beginning of the season!"

"Does it look like I care Alfred? You promised that you'd help me! I'm sure you can watch the replay or something."

"But Mattie! Watching a replay is nothing like watching the actual game! And besides, it's my time to relax from the stress at work!"

"Excuse me? _You've_ been stressed? You are not the only one who works! You don't think that _I've_ been stressed out too? I'm the one who cooks and cleans and does every single piece of house work in this damn place even after I work while _you_ on the other handjust sit on your ass after work. The least you could do is help me in preparing the food you always seem to eat!"

The two glared at each other from where they stood, neither one wanting to submit to the other. Matthew was the first one to move, going to the coat rack and putting on his warm coat.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not through here!"

Matthew ignored the other's words and started to put on his shoes, grabbing his phone, keys and wallet too. Alfred watched sullenly as the other opened the door and left, slamming it on his way out and hard enough to shake the pictures on the wall.

While Matthew was gone, Alfred sat alone on the couch, grumbling to himself and an angry frown on his face.

"Stupid Matthew. Of course I do other things in this house. I…I wash the dishes…sometimes and I put out the garbage. No wait, I stopped doing that four months ago. There must be something that I do that Matt doesn't…"

As long as he thought about it, Alfred could not think of what he did to help around the house. After coming to the realization that he was in fact, the lazy ass that Matthew accused him of being, the guilt and shame began to take root within his chest and his frown morphed into a face of remorse.

"I know!" He suddenly proclaimed "When Matthew comes back, I'll apologize and tell him that we'll split the load. It'll make him feel better! He's been wanting me to pick up my share anyways."

Alfred smiled at his plan and waited anxiously for his boyfriend to return, wanting to work out everything as soon as possible. As the hours passed by, worry started to grow within him. Where was Matthew? Normally when they fought and he left to cool off, he was back within the hour. It had already been two hours and the darkness of night had already fallen upon the city in which they lived. Suddenly, his cell phone went off playing the tone he had set for Matthew, startling Alfred just a little.

Grabbing his tiny device he answered it eagerly.

"Matthew! Thank God! I was-"

"Is this Alfred Jones?"

What the hell? This wasn't Matthew's voice! Who was this? Why did they have Mattie's phone? Where's Mattie?

"Who are you?" He shouted. "Why do you have Mattie's phone?"

"This is Captain Ludwig Beilschmidt of the police department. We were called on an account of a pedestrian being hit by a vehicle. We called you because your number was the first one on his cell phone contact list."

When the words "hit by a car" hit his ear, Alfred stopped thinking. He heard nothing of what the captain was telling him as he dropped his phone down to the floor, shock overrunning his body.

Ten minutes later, two men, Captain Ludwig and another officer were at his doorstep. He let them in and guided them to the living room where the three sat on the couch and chairs. They sat in silence until the blonde captain decided to speak, reaching out to Alfred and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Alfred, I'm sorry to tell you but we were unable to save him. Matthew, he passed away there at the scene."

"Did he suffer?" His voice was soft, like a whisper, like Matthew's.

"No. He was killed instantly when the vehicle hit him."

Alfred could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes. Suddenly, they were streaming down his cheeks as he could no longer hold himself back. Matthew was gone and he had never told him that he loved him.

_Present Time_

It was quiet at the cemetery. Not an uncomfortable silence but a peaceful one. One that allowed those of the living the knowledge that their dead loved ones were happy and at rest.

Alfred stood alone in front of the grave stone, no one and nothing there to comfort him in his grief. The funeral and burial had long since ended two hours ago and yet he found himself unable to move, unable to continue with the day without his precious Matthew. He sunk to his knees at the base of the stone and pushed some of the flowers away to make space for himself.

The tears he had so desperately tried to hold back now flooded down his cheeks and he found himself face to face once again with the guilt he felt, seeing as it was he who caused his boyfriend's death.

"I'm sorry Matthew! I'm so sorry!" He sobbed, tracing Matthew's name carved in the stone. "If only I wasn't so stubborn and selfish! Please! Please come back to me!" He let out a wail and continued to weep.

As he cried into the gravestone of his lover, out of the corner of his watery eyes he saw them. Two little clawed feet protruding from the side of the rock. Wiping away the tears falling down his face, Alfred stood and looked behind the marker.

A bird, the color of the darkest of nights lay there on the grass, completely motionless. It's wing, Alfred noticed, was bent in an odd angle, signaling to him that it was broken. Slowly, he reached down and picked up the small bird, a baby he thought, old enough to try to fly but young enough that it wasn't an adult. He could see the bird's chest move as it breathed and Alfred wondered briefly what he should do with a hurt baby bird. Thinking of Matthew, he knew that the other would have taken it home and raised it until it was healthy again. Alfred, still feeling his grief of losing his one and only love, decided to do the same.


	2. The Heavens Above

Wherever You Will Go Ch. 2

**Sigh...I really debated with myself whether or not I wanted to post this since it seems like no body cares too much for this story...Was the first chapter that crappy? If it was you should have told me or at least sent me some sort of note. If you've stuck with this I'm glad, it'll get more interesting in the third chapter believe me. I totally have a surprise for you. Oh and kudos for anyone who can guess which Miyazaki movie I used as a basis for this chapter. :D**

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One of the last things Matthew remembered were the two bright lights careening towards him as he crossed the street to reach the park where he usually went to cool off after one of his and Alfred's fights. There was an initial pain as the vehicle hit him and he remembered hitting the road, but after that, everything was blank.

As he opened his eyes, he was met with the dark bluish color of the night sky. Starts littered the sky, spreading their calming, gleaming light as they twinkled in and out. It was truly beautiful and he felt as if he could stare out into the heavens forever.

"How odd," Matthew thought, "I've never seen so many stars here in the city."

He then sat up from where he lay, using his right arm to help him up as his other arm felt a little tingly. It was then that Matthew noticed that he was no longer on the filthy tar street near the park. He wasn't on a patch of grass or even the sidewalk either. This place, this new and unfamiliar place was not even in the same city! Through a quick glance around at his surroundings, Matthew deduced that he was somewhere he couldn't logically explain.

What he saw, as he scanned the area, was a big empty place, almost prairie like only that instead of grass he sat upon a sea of whitish grey cloud. For as far as his eyes could see, there was only cloud around him and the endless dusky sky above him. Nothing more and nothing less. There wasn't even sound.

Curious about his newly found environment, Matthew tried to stand so he could explore the seemingly endless prairie. Yet as he tried to push himself up, he noticed that his left arm wouldn't respond from the elbow down. Drawing it closer, he observed that if flopped around and would not hold its shape. Gingerly, he touched his arm, only to find that it was crushed and broken all the way through. "Oh" he thought silently to himself. It must have happened when he was hit and fell. Why hadn't he felt the pain? Surly something like this would have excruciating pain and yet…there was nothing. He nursed his arm and continued to sit on the clouds, waiting to be woken up from what he thought was the strangest and oddest dream he had ever had.

Suddenly, something broke through the flatbed of clouds. It was head! "How odd…"He thought as he watched the head draw through the puffy whiteness bringing the rest of its body with it, eventually revealing the stature of an older man.

"How peculiar. It's a man! I don't ever recall seeing him before…"

Matthew shook his head, hoping that he would wake up soon. Everything was just too odd. Why would some unknown man be in his dream? He reasoned that he might as well try to talk to the man, even though this was just a dream and the man was probably a figment of his own imagination.

Matthew tried to call out to the anonymous person but his call went unheard. Then, to his right, another being, a woman, broke through the seemingly endless floor of cloud. Soon, there were at least three other people, all whom Matthew didn't recognize, on the clouds with him. To every new person who had emerged, Matthew tried to talk with them and every time, his voice would only fall onto deaf ears.

When Matthew felt that things couldn't get more confusing, the five other people around him suddenly began to float upwards into the dark sky. Panicked and afraid, Matthew watched them go, yelling out "Where are you going?" at the top of his lungs. But it was futile, as the people, almost spirit like, kept floating upwards and onwards towards a beautiful stretch of stars that looked like an arm of the Milky Way.

It was then that Matthew noticed that those sparkling things, the stars that made up the arm and the ones in the sky as well, were not in fact stars, but people! Spirits of those dead and gone. He continued to watch, amazed at the beauty of it all, as the spirits kept floating upwards, getting smaller and smaller, until he found himself alone again on the quiet plain of cloud.

Without warning, he began to feel drowsy, his eyes and body feeling heavy and he felt as though he couldn't keep himself propped up any longer. He slowly fell backwards into the softness that was the body of clouds beneath him and as he slowly descended, the comforting yet powerful feeling of sleep overcame his tired body. Once he lay flat against the clouds, he closed his eyes and right before he fell deep into sleep, he lightly took note that he was sinking into the plush ground around him.


	3. Little Bird

Wherever You Will Go

Ch. 3 Little Bird

**Yay! A new chapter! This will probably be the last chapter I update for this story until my spring break. I'm planning to solely work on this story and LTLABL during that week. So with that said, please enjoy!**

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When Matthew regained consciousness, he dully realized that he was no longer resting on the soft white clouds that had filled his dream, but that he was lying on something hard and scratchy. As he moved his head, he could see that he was trapped on all sides by four large brown walls. He opened his mouth to let out a cry of displeasure and the sound that came out startled him out of his dream like state.

"PIYO!"

_Oh my god! Was that me? No, it can't be! I don't make bird sounds…Where am I? Alfred? Where are you? Please! Anyone! I must be dreaming. I have to be dreaming! Wake up Matthew! Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!_

Alfred jolted awake, startled by the loud sounds coming from the box in his hands.

"Holy crap! What was that? Oh yeah…the bird."

He looked inside the box and saw that the little crow inside was now awake. It's large, oddly colored eyes were wide in fear and…was that recognition?

_Alfred? You're in my dream? Is that why you're so big? Alfred save me! I feel lost and scared! Alfred! Talk to me! _

"No" Alfred thought as he pulled his head away from the box and out of the crow's line of vision. "How could a crow recognize me?"

_No! Alfred! Don't go! I-I need you! Alfred!_

As soon as he had pulled away from the box, the poor bird inside began to make a ruckus, peeping out loudly and trying to move around in the box.

"Hey! Hey! Stop that!"

He looked inside the box again, only to be met with the crow's strange purple eyes staring back at him.

"Good. Now look," he pointed to the crow's left wing and the little bird followed his finger, "you broke your wing. We're at the vet's office to see if you can get it fixed. I'll take you out of the box only if you can behave and not move around a lot ok?"

_Oh maple! This isn't a dream! I-I have wings! Oh god, oh god, oh god…_

When the bird finally looked as if it understood what Alfred had told it, it turned its feathered head and stared back at him and blinking its large purple eyes.

"Do you want to come out?"

_Out? Yes! Yes! Take me out! This box is scary and uncomfortable. I don't like it._

Alfred let out a sigh and reached into the box, carefully picking up the loudly peeping bird and set it down in his lap. He placed the now empty box to the side of him on an empty chair and turned back to his feathered companion. The two sat there for a good five minutes, just staring at each other, blue and purple eyes locked onto the other in an intense staring contest. Purple eyes were the first to turn away with what looked like a pout on its feathered face.

"Yes!" Alfred cried out. "I beat you this time! Just like how I always beat Matthew!" At the name of his lover, Alfred's happy demeanor changed. No longer was he happy, but more crestfallen and depressed. The little bird could not understand as he peeped loudly at Alfred.

_What's wrong Alfred? What about me? I'm here right? I'm just not my usual self…_

When he looked back at the little bird, Alfred suddenly felt the urge to name it, to give it an identity.

"You know, you remind me of someone I knew. Someone who was really close to me." Alfred began to stroke the little bird's head as gently as he could. "I wish they were still here. Then maybe life wouldn't be so hard…You know, you need a name. An _awesome_ name. How about…how about Matthew?" The bird perked up at the name and let out a peep.

_That __**is**__ my name Alfred! What's going on with you? And stop petting me like a dog._

"Ok, ok. From now on, you'll be Matthew since your eyes look exactly like his."

_But I AM Matthew!_

"Mr. Jones?"

"Oh, that's us. You need to go back into your box ok?"

_What? Where are we going? Oh yeah, we're at the vet's. I guess it's our turn… _

He gently picked up little Matthew and place him back into the box. The two of them followed the nurse into an examination room where a doctor was actually waiting.

"I'm sorry it took so long." He said as Alfred place the cardboard box onto the stainless steel table. "What can I do for you?"

"This bird," Alfred pointed to the box. "He has a broken wing. Is there anything you can do about it?"

The vet peaked into the box, observing the crow (now named Matthew) as the bird tried to escape his gaze, dragging his wing along with him.

"Hmm…his wing is crushed. I'm not sure it can be fixed, however, I can tape it. It's the only way it'll have a chance to heal."

The vet gently reached into the box, only to be pecked lightly on the hand by a very startled and scared bird.

_ Who are you? Don't pick me up! Get away from me!_

The vet, unfazed by the bird's actions, managed to take hold of and lift up little Matthew out of the box and took him into a back hallway behind the initial examining room. After a few minutes, he returned, Matthew still in hand, with some bright red tape. He placed the feathered one down on to the examining table and began cutting strips of the tape, pausing only to tape the wing to Matthew's side. Once the vet was finished, the injured wing was fully taped to his side, only marked by the bright red tape. The vet then turned to Alfred, handing him the roll.

"This bird is going to need water, seed, and a safe place to nest, that is if you want to take care of him. If you don't, he can stay here at the office."

"No, no. I want to keep him. He reminds me so much of Matthew…So all I need is a dish, some food and a nesting place?"

"Yes. In a few weeks, you can bring him here and we can check to see how he's doing."

"Alright. Thanks doc."

Once Alfred and the doctor were done talking, he reached down and gently picked up Matthew, cradling him in one arm while he lifted the now empty box with the other. Together the two walked out of the office.

When he felt his now feather light body being hoisted off the table, Matthew turned to fix his gaze at Alfred, catching his eye. He stared at Alfred's blue ones, questioning him and wondering where they were headed.

_Where are we going Alfred? Back to the apartment? I hope so. I miss it so much._

As they were driving back, Alfred semi-observed his bird friend as the other sat on the dashboard, watching the cars fly by through the front windshield.

"You know, Matthew…"

The bird turned and looked at his old lover, curious to know what he was saying.

"You came at a really awkward time. But, I guess it's ok. I really needed some company. I've been going through some rough times lately so yeah…You'll always be there right?"

_What are talking about Alfred? I don't understand. Rough times? What did I miss?_

"Piyo. Piyo!"

"I guess that's a yes, then. Good. I really need someone to lean on right now and I can't really go to Arthur with this…What am I doing?"

Alfred smacked his forehead with his free hand as the other held the steering wheel.

"Talking to a bird. Sheesh…It's not like you can understand anyway can you?"

He quickly glanced over to the bird, who hopped over the dashboard to his hand that was placed on the wheel. Lightly, Matthew pecked at the fingers, hoping that Alfred got the hint.

"Ouch! Ok, ok! Fine! Maybe you do understand some of the things I'm saying…"

_Damn right I do, Alfred_

He watched as the bird nodded his head and turned back to watch the cars zoom by. After about five minutes the car came to a halt next to an all familiar place to the man and bird.

"Alright, here we are. Home sweet home."

When Alfred reached in to lift Matthew out of the car, he was lightly surprised as the bird climbed up his arm and perched, a little awkwardly at first, on his shoulder. The two then climbed the stairs back to their old apartment. As soon as Alfred opened the door, Matthew was met with the shock of his life.

_What's going on here?_

_

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_**I know, everyone hates cliff , I felt that if I kept going, the chapter would suck so yeah...sorry.**

**Please read and review!  
**


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